For many people who are considered to be small ‘d’ deaf and particularly those who are hard of hearing, we are constantly labelled as being “not deaf enough” for the deaf world, and “not hearing enough” for the mainstream hearing world.
The only place left is that awkward middle bit, the intbetweener, the lonely bit, where it is tough because you don’t feel like you belong anywhere.
So what do you do when you feel like this and how can you make it work for you?
Maybe you could create your own world instead.
You can listen to to the podcast…
…watch the video…
…or read the transcript below.
Transcript
Is it possible to be labelled as “not deaf enough” and “not hearing enough”?
Well actually yes, that is possible. It’s something that a lot of people, even though you don’t see them, they go through.
Someone like myself who is in that middle bit of not being part of a hearing world, but not even part of the deaf world as well.
And if that’s basically you, let me know in the comment down at the bottom if that applies to you. I’d love to learn more about it, your experience and how do you deal with that situation because it’s tough.
But also, if you stick around to the end, I want to share a suggestion, a tip on how you can deal with that better if it’s something that you’re struggling with.
If you’re finding it hard to be in that middle bit, then stick around to the end because I would love to share an idea that could make a difference in your life.
The topic of not being deaf enough and not being hearing enough is very, very hard for someone like myself and yourself as well to be in a situation where you feel like you don’t belong in either places.
Because you’re labelled as either small ‘d’ deaf or hard of hearing.
Deaf vs Hard of Hearing: What’s the Difference?
And when you’re in that situation, it’s quite awkward. It’s quite difficult to work out where you belong, what is your identity?
It’s not something that I agree with, “not deaf enough”, but unfortunately it does exist and is something that is involved, especially within the deaf community, especially those who are capital ‘D’ Deaf, culturally deaf.
The general idea of not being deaf enough is, for example:
- your main language is oral, not sign language
- you didn’t go through deaf school
- maybe you come through a mainstream lifestyle
- you don’t have any deaf friends
- you’re not involved in the Deaf community
- you don’t share the same values and passion and being involved in the history of Deaf culture.
If that applies to you, either one or a few or all, you’re considered to be not deaf enough.
But it’s not something that I think other people should label on you. It’s up to you to locate your own identity, your own honest identity. Obviously you can’t make it up.
And then there’s the other side of it which is you’re not hearing enough. You’re not part of a hearing world, and that is quite obvious really, because:
- you live the mainstream lifestyle, but you’re not able to communicate with other people
- you struggle in group conversation
- you struggle in group events and environment.
- you can’t really keep up with conversation.
- you can’t hear a lot of things.
The general things are a lot of people would understand. That is something that applies to a lot of people as well, including myself too. And unfortunately, both of these arguments exist, not deaf enough” and “not hearing enough”.
So what does that mean then? Where do you belong? Where do we stand? What is your identity?
And for a lot of people, they struggle with that.
And it’s even more difficult when really, that world in the middle doesn’t officially exist. It’s not officially recognised.
And yes, there is the name of ‘hard of hearing’. That does exist, but it’s not really a definite culture. It’s not really a definite group because there isn’t a history around it, like in the Deaf culture, and of course, the mainstream hearing world, they’re two separate things.
But that middle bit is very, very awkward. So, of course it’s difficult for a lot of people.
If you’re watching/reading this, if that applies to you, I get it, I totally get it.
The thing that bugs me a lot is when you want to have access to either world and unfortunately, there are people who will just not be very open.
And I’m just going to make sure that I say some people would be like that, not all, because of course, not everyone in the Deaf community is going to be closed and just not going to allow you to be coming in to their culture and not be open to you.
Of course that doesn’t apply to all of them. Not all of them are like that. There are going to be some amazing, amazing people in the Deaf community who will be welcoming, warm, open-arms, they will be just so, so nice to you and want you to be involved as much as possible. Of course, they would love that.
And the same thing in the hearing world, there are people who would be open and understanding, and they get it, they understand. And they just want to be with you because of you are, not because of anything else. Not because of a label of any sort.
But there will be a minority of people on both side of the world where they will not be as open as you’d like them to be.
For example, you could be wanting to be involved in the Deaf community, you’re learning sign language, but then you go to that group of people and they will mock you because you don’t sign very well.
But of course you won’t because you are learning about that. If anything, that should be encouraged. That should be applauded, and that should be something that people will help you with as well.
But there will be some people who will just not be acceptable of that, for whatever reason.
But there will be other people who would love that. They will help you, they will help you to get better. They will give you some ideas and correction and someone to practice with. That applies in the deaf world.
And the same thing with the hearing world. There will be some people of course, who will not be patient with you. If you ask them to repeat, they will be annoyed with you. They get frustrated, they will walk away. I’ve had that many, many times and it does exist.
But at the same time, not everyone is like that and we should appreciate that there are people out there who care passionately about accessibility.
But also, they just care about you as a person, not because of anything, like I said, a label. It’s just because they care about you and they want to be with you as well.
What can you do if you are in the middle?
So if this applies to you, if you are in that middle bit, what can you do? How can you deal with it because it can be a very lonely situation and it’s hard to find people to connect with, people who are like-minded like you to be in that middle bit of, maybe you can call it hard of hearing or in the middle bit, in-betweener, whatever you call it, what can you do?
So here’s a suggestion that I’ve got for you:
Create your own world.
Now hear me out, this is what I’m saying about creating your own world because this is something that people might struggle with, but bear with me. Is there a way that you can create your own world?
Whatever you want to call it, it’s up to you.
So is there a way you can create that own world in the middle where you’ll have the best of both worlds? And you will be like a bridge where you’ll have the right people coming to you and you’ll connect with the right people from both sides of the world.
So if you imagine you have the two worlds and you connect that bridge, you’re on that bridge. You’re in that middle bit and you’re welcoming to anybody. You’re just open to anyone and you want to be involved with both worlds as well.
Let me use an example that I can share with you on how you can make that work. For me, I am learning BSL, British Sign Language, so I have that connection to the deaf world and the deaf community and I’ve got other reasons why I want to learn BSL, but that’s one side of it.
Why I want to Learn Sign Languages?
It’s not just to connect with the Deaf community…
But obviously, I’m oral as well, and I am mainstream world living thing, that’s what I do. I’m living that world. So, I have that access to both side of the world.
But that can be a good thing, not always a bad thing. I can be in that middle bit, that bridge where I have exposure to many, many things.
Another way of looking at it is that I have predominantly hearing friends and hearing families and that’s on the one hand, but at the same time, I’m connecting with a lot of people online who are considered to be deaf, who are considered to be profoundly deaf, capital ‘D’ Deaf, all these things, and I’m connecting with them online as well.
So, again, I have access to both worlds, which is quite unique and quite special as well.
Now I can’t take credit for this idea. I got this idea from a TEDx Georgetown talk back in 2013, and a speaker called Heather Artinian, who is profoundly Deaf, she has a cochlear implant. I think she has two.
She has Deaf parents, Deaf brothers, but she also had hearing grandparents and hearing relatives, so she kind of had that mixture of both worlds, of hearing and deafness, as she called it.
And she created the idea of I have my own world, and her name is Heather Artinian. She called her world “The Heather World”. It is as simple as that.
She wanted access to both worlds for her own personal reason and I’m going to link to that in the description. You can watch that talk yourself and I recommend that you do (below).
She is desperate to access to both worlds for her own reason, and even though it’s been criticised for rejecting the deaf world by her family and her parents and all these things.
And she’s also being criticised for being involved in a hearing world because she is profoundly Deaf, and she had to have speech therapists, and she had a deaf accent, and people are criticising her for that.
She’s getting all these criticisms and it’s not fair, obviously, it’s not right. But she didn’t want to influence her idea and her decision to be involved in both worlds.
And she has created that bridge, as she called it, and on that bridge is the two worlds and that is where “Heather’s World” exists. It’s in that middle bit.
And she loved that.
She had access to amazing things. She had an advantage for being able to open her mind in both worlds and being able to access different culture and environment and people, and that’s what she wanted.
She didn’t want to be just only exclusively in one world or the other, she wanted both and she loved that.
She thinks it’s beautiful, it’s a great idea, and it made me think, you know what? That is something that I resonate and I love as well because even on my own website, I always say that I am bridging the gap between the hearing and d/Deaf world.
I don’t see it as segregation. We don’t want that. I think it’s something that we could learn on both sides. But we do it respectfully. You can respect the Deaf culture and you can respect the mainstream world as well.
You can criticise the system, and you can fight against that, that’s one thing, but you don’t criticise the wrong person.
You don’t criticise the person who wants to have access to both worlds, or is not traditionally part of one world and decides to go another world. You don’t criticise that person. Maybe you criticise something else. Maybe focus your energy on something else.
As long as we respect it, as long as we have respect for both worlds and the people, and as long as you also, invite the right people into your own world, people who are friendly and open-minded and warm and welcoming, then you have a beautiful thing that you can have in the middle, which is your bridge, which is your world.
So why don’t you consider doing that? Maybe it’s something that we can do together. I’m always trying to find ways to make it work. I’m trying to make it work for myself, actually. Having my own “Ahmed’s World”, but it’s a work in progress because it’s not going to be a quick fix.
But, if that’s something that you like, why don’t you join me, why don’t you get involved together and share your idea and thought on how you can make it work?
Because I’d love to hear how you do it. And I think it could help you as well.
Don’t forget though, it’s up to you who you want to have in your own world and don’t forget as well, it doesn’t mean that you exclude people for the wrong reason, it doesn’t mean that you are rejecting any ideas that both worlds live in.
No, it’s not about that. It’s about making sure that you have something that works for you, but you also have access to both worlds and it’s something beautiful that you can really expose yourself to as well.
Something that will allow you to really open your mind about different people, different ideas, culture, languages, there are so many things that you can take advantage of by being in that awkward, perhaps lonely middle bit, which I am part of as well.
But let’s see what we can do with that together. I hope that makes sense to you and let me know how it works out for you in a comment
And while you’re at it, make sure you hit that subscribe button as well. It would be great to see you getting involved with these videos and trading your ideas and thoughts. I’d love to hear your stories as always.
In the meantime, I will speak to you again soon.
Take care!
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This really hits the spot – it’s hard being hard of hearing but not deaf. I don’t sign and sometimes the “deaf” community can be quite insular because they aren’t part of the “hearing world”.
Heather’s clip is, however, a little difficult to follow – however, with subtitles (good old YouTube!) it makes more sense. I’m part of a lip-reading group here in Leeds and whilst we are only a small gathering, it helps give us a sense of belonging. Some are really quite profoundly deaf – one is awaiting cochlea implants and very nearly across that bridge into the “deaf world”, so it helps us all to try harder to communicate with her – helps us see ourselves as the hearing world sees us! It is hard to admit that we have “an invisible disability” – almost like admitting we have a failure (my father in law is very much in this camp, even though he has hearing aids, he denies he has any disability yet struggles with communication if he hasn’t got them in! If we can admit to ourselves that we have an area which needs a bit of help, it is easier to tell others about it, so they can understand what works for us. We need to be brave and not let pride get in the way. Sometimes that’s hard – I know my self, because I was in denial for a couple of years, where my hearing aids spent more time at home than in my ears! I’ve learnt to accept that now, but it took time to overcome the stigma.
Thanks for sharing your comment Damian. It’s great that you have a sense of belonging with your Leeds group, despite your challenges.
Pride is a powerful thing and unfortunately, it can get in a way for many people (regardless of who you are). But as you say, it’s hard for some people to swallow their prides. I know and heard of many people who don’t consider to have disabilities, as they don’t see it that way. They may have their own reasons, and it may not be pride, but it could be because they would rather look at it in a different light instead of as a “impairment” of sorts. So it’s interesting to hear your own story about your father-in-law.
One of the best thing to do is to expose yourself to the right people (and that “bridge” could play a part in that). I’m the same, in that I was in denial for many years. But gradually over time, I too have learnt to accept and we can all play a part in reducing any stigma that exists.
Many people, like myself, lost our hearing in adulthood,(I was 21) we have only ever known the hearing world, we don’t sign, I don’t know anyone that signs despite being in two hearing loss groups (ranging in mild to profound loss, no hearing aid to cochlear implants) and attending a lip reading class. In my experience the Deaf community only seems to apply to those born deaf, with the advent of Cochlear Implants many of these Children are socialising in the hearing world, mainstream schooling etc so other than older members of the Deaf community , it is a community that is shrinking so needs to be be more welcoming to us deaf adults. I like the idea of learning of BSL (I know and use finger spelling) but I don’t see how or where I can make use of BSL
I can appreciate where you are coming from Deirdre. I can’t say that I’ve had the same experience as you with regards to the Deaf community, but it’s something that I’m hearing quite a lot.
Likewise, I too do not many people who are mildly/moderate deaf or hard of hearing and knows sign language. I wonder if there is a reason for that…🤔
One part of the definition sphere: A section of society or an aspect of life distinguished and unified by a particular characteristics- Oxford
Attending school with hearing loss at a parochial school in North East Florida is a hardened life experience, like any o One ther hearing loss struggle. Students can be cruel. Affluent students can be cruelly. Privileged orthodox students can be malevolent. I went through the normal succession as anyone else with hearing loss. Different circumstances, Same results. The random flipping of my hearing instruments, being called “ Four Ear,” just to name a few. I never got angry, just confused and turn it into a character builder. My hearing loss was packaged with a strive for attention and the students exploited it. I would do anything to belong. My peers would petition me to do a deed claiming it would be a fit of laughter. Instead, I was sent for a scolding. Out of approximately 1500 students or more in my school years, I was the only one wearing hearing instruments. A malady to them. At some point I develop a mindset that my comrades are immature, and it will go away when I graduate, go to college, and enter the workforce. As I progress into my early 20’s, it never did. In no way did I ever get angry, just more confused as to why. More character building. Maybe this derision will go away when I turn thirty as this mindset carried on. But the mockery continued. Now being in my 40’s, and after being told a calculating remark, the sarcasm endures. Instead of allowing this mindset to emerge into an endless pit, I decided to welcome new tools in my life. Tools like self-advocacy, educating myself, talking, and writing. I’m so grateful this is happening to me.
I am convinced most of my natural behaviors is due to my hearing issues since birth. This includes walking, talking, constant turning of head movements, and exaggerated facial expressions. Most people without a hearing loss hear and react to sounds within their first year of infancy. I started at age four(six) when I received my first pair of hearing instruments. The facial expressions engulf my entire being as I reacted to every ordinary sounds such as traffic, door closing, and people’s voices. This affected my eye movements including the eyebrows as I reacted to the daily occurrence of new intonation. The casual blinking was in response to the shock of new sounds. It eventually became habitual. These learned behaviors eventually incorporated into my everyday occurrences such as reading, watching TV, and writing. As I got older and learning to put sentences together, the hand gestures would infiltrate my speaking domain. I begin to move my hands frequently while talking, hoping people will grasp what I’m trying to say. Along with being told I mumble or speak softly, conversing can be a laborious task. Parallel these symptoms with concentration fatigue and deaf anxiety, I started to detect and observe other people’s behaviors. Their body language and facial expressions soon submerged into my curiosity. Ultimately, I became a compassionate introvert. This is my identity.
So, what I gave you was a brief introduction to my history, behavior, and identity. This is my sphere. Everyone with hearing loss has a sphere inside this world. To fill this sphere, one needs to pack it with their own narrative. Learning other spheres will help guide this Reformation. To do this we need to learn our hearing loss past. I’m personally not a history connoisseur, but recently have delve into the hearing loss archives. My new research preoccupation suggests hearing loss is rich in history. For example, I learned the first electric hearing aid was called the Akouphone, along with other interesting information. Why was this device made? Who was it for? What was their story?
In proportionally, every city has a story. Its embellished with history and culture. Any given city has it own identity. Most cities name their street, bridges, neighborhoods, after prominent figures and trailblazers. The downtown bus station where I live is named after Rosa Parks, a civil rights advocate. The hearing loss struggle is nowhere liken to the strife within the black community. There is no history of individuals hanging deaf people for public display. The reason why Rosa Parks refuse to give up her seat on the bus that day was because she was fed-up. Mrs. Parks was distressed just like most of her fellow companions. What gave them confidence, while being devalued, was their vast knowledge of black patriots before them. They knew their history. Most people with hearing loss are fed-up. But we don’t know our hearing loss history. The hearing loss community needs a Rosa Parks.
To learn hearing loss behavior, we need to vocalize regularly so people can understand more. Concentration fatigue, Deaf anxiety, Loneliness, Depression, along with other habits are for real. These manners fall under the pretext of general psychological behaviors. Possessing these traits doesn’t mean there is anything abnormal with us. It just needs to be examined more. We have an abundance of experiences to provide for professionals to analyze and evaluate. A psychologist aim in life is the calling of formulating new theories. To achieve this, hearing loss individuals would have to partake in talk sessions whether temporary or long-term. Psychological experiments can be orchestrated to reinforce hearing loss assumptions. We are in high demand. We have to get the word out that we aspire for help. In return, I believe psychologists will alert universities to start a new precursory curriculum devoted to hearing loss therapy. These professionals can explore individuals, including veterans, with acquired hearing loss as they go through the five stages of grieving, the Elizabeth Rubler Ross theory. An experienced personnel will be waiting as this person cope with this straining diversion. If a licensed professional can learn and confirm hearing loss dynamics such as depression, loneliness, panic disorder, social phobia, deaf anxiety, concentration fatigue, than these diagnosed symptoms will have more merit. The hearing loss community needs to talk.
Finally, we come to Identity. As stated earlier, I believe I’m a compassionate introvert. I tend to focus on internal thoughts. I’m not the type to lash out in frustration and anger. I’m reserved but kind. Calm and yearn for peace. I desire minimally stimulating environments, as most introverts claim. Hearing loss and individuals and Introverts with good hearing converge with parallelism. According to my research, 40% identified themselves as Introverts. They are observers of the world. Furthermore, I could argue most individuals born with hearing loss are Introverts. If one has acquired hearing loss, I could suggest they have develop some form of introversion. Hearing loss identity comes from experiences. These experiences evolve into obtaining potent traits such as learning how to manage general stress, staying steady and firm when needed, being resilient and vigorous, diligent and hard working, creative, and so on. Every form of business including government, small business, the tech industry, could use more people like us. The hearing loss community needs to claim their identity.
In conclusion, How do you bridge the hearing and deaf world? How does one comes to terms of not deaf enough and not hearing enough? Prevent the awkward middle without being left out? To accomplish this, every individual with hearing loss needs to have pride and develop their own sphere. Mine is called the Johnny Sphere. There is the Ahmed Sphere, the Katherine Sphere, the Jenny Sphere. By achieving this, we need to learn our hearing loss history, talk to peers and professionals about our conflicts, and we need to have confidence in claiming our own individual identity. Once everyone develops their own sphere, we then can combine these entities into one sphere called the Middle Sphere. The Middle Sphere connects the Hearing Sphere and Deaf Sphere. Concurrently, when the Middle Sphere is in place, we can begin the process of building a bridge. When that day comes, I will be right there with a hammer.
Thanks for listening,
Johnny Gordon
What a fantastic, well-written and articulate reply Johnny. I had to read it several times and it’s great to read your own inputs from this.
On top of learning more about your experiences of being in the middle, it’s also another example of how everyone has a unique upbringing which then plays a part in their future too i.e. when you talked about your natural behaviours that came as a result of hearing issues.
But it’s true what you said; we need to develop a sense of pride, your identity and your own world…and make it your own. But the more we all share our stories and experiences with each other, the more we can learn from each other.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Johnny.
I am caught in the middle, too. I am 81 and do not wish to learn sign language. I want more information on lip reading. I did fine until a pandemic left people wearing masks. This is the year 2021. I can be reached at hashowe0340@ gmail.com I am also physically disabled. I love conversations. And people. But they get up in your face and scream, or mumble. It is hard getting old. I have dealt with different degrees of hearing loss for 50 years. Raising a family, working away from home, pure hell. Lip reading and body language is the way I want to go at my age. I can do some but need help to improve. Thanks Helen Howe.
Hi Helen. Thank you for opening up. It can’t have been easy so it’s very brave of you to do so.
I can understand if you do not have a desire to learn sign language, and stick to what worked. I agree that the masks situation has made everythign so much more difficult and stressful. As much as it means that I don’t bother engaging at times, it is a headache to deal with on a daily basis.
I’m not sure if you are aware but if lipreading (amongst other things) are your preference, consider reaching out to ATLA (The Association of Teachers of Lipreading to Adults) who may be able to direct you with getting some support. You can reach them at: https://atlalipreading.org.uk/
I am in Australia and am hearing impaired. This is a genetically inherited condition. I cannot wear hearing aids as I collapse and I ended up seriously ill in hospital 3 times
In my early life I was a singer I worked harder than the others in my group and could not understand my struggle. When I was in the middle of touring the world singing I was diagnosed and the ENT said I would lose all my hearing in 6 years. Well he was wrong but at the time nearly helped cause my suicide. I could not imagine life without song.
Today I am a Education presenter where I do all the talking. I can not get a job that requires meetings & listening. I find I have socially isolated myself and do not go out. I am better communicating with just one other person. I believe I have been lip reading for years and it explains why many men thought I was interested in them, when the concentration was on their lips.
I have health people making my appointments with doctors.
I struggle if there is no chat screen for complaints or repairs or orders. I cannot hear on the phone.
I rely on video calling to my family or text
I can sympathise with a lot of what you’re saying. The daily barriers and challenges you are facing are not things that many people would understand or appreciate. That’s why we all need to share stories. Thank you for sharing your story, Karen.