I learnt a new phrase recently: ‘deaf anxiety’.
After reading and learning more about, I realised that whenever I get anxiety, it is mostly likely because of my lack of ability to hear. And the more I read about it, the more I realised that it resonates with me and it’s definitely a thing.
It also made me aware that it’s a topic that we should be talking about more often, and this is why I decided to open up about it.
You can watch the video…
(If you can’t see the captions on moble, click on the title of the video to view it on YouTube and then click on ‘CC’ to turn it on).
…listen to the podcast…
…or read on below.
Transcript
When growing up, I taught myself to do many things in my community of able-bodied people, just so I can blend in:
- The correct way to pronounce certain letters and words.
- Analyse the environment to see if I can work there.
- Focus all the time so that you don’t miss anything.
- Find out when is the best time to use a phone.
- Work out whether that person will understand me or not.
- Work out what the hell that person is saying.
I can go on.
Not only I had to blend in and act like a hearing person by doing all of the above, but I also learnt to combine that with some fake smiles, nodding and laughter along the way.
There we go…now I’m doing it right.
(Meanwhile, I’m findig it difficult to breathe, your heart starts beating faster and you feel all tense inside)
That is how I managed to blend into a community of able-bodied people and to pass as a “normal hearing person”.
Society is constantly asking me to take a test and I must pass it if I want to be part of it. So I need to be on my toes if I want to pass that test.
Failure was a scary option for me, but that does happen and it makes you feel like failure.
But that’s OK, because I then remind myself that I get to take that test again…
…and again
…and again.
Forever.
In my head, the worst thing for me to do is to make other people go out of their way. The idea of doing that…well, that’s just plain damn rude, isn’t it? How dare I do that?
(Breathe…breathe…)
Forget hearing privilege – I should always be grateful, serve others, respect others and help others.
“So don’t forget”, I say to myself, “always put their oxygen masks first before putting your own on”.
(Deep breathe…)
I am making things difficult for myself by keeping quiet and not interrupting other people. But that’s OK, because I’m being polite and that’s how we should treat our fellow citizens.
So let’s ignore that tense feeling around my heart, and battle on.
(Literally after writing the above, I had to stop and take a break. No wonder deaf anxiety is not talked about often).
What is Deaf Anxiety?
Deaf anxiety is a term that applies to those who are deaf or hard of hearing, and have gone through a moment in their lives which has triggered anxiety as a result of their inability to hear.
I watched the video on this topic by Deaf activist Arthur Clayton McWilliams IV (also known as Artie Mack). As far as I’m aware, he was the first person to have coined the term ‘deaf anxiety’, and you can you watch the video below:
It really spoke to me because it’s relatable in many ways. How I started this post is an example of what goes through my mind at any particular situation.
Anxiety is a complicated subject and everyone has their own reactions to it. It can also apply to anyone at any time.
Deaf anxiety is different though.
That inability to hear in a hearing world can trigger emotions that I used to struggle to explain…until I heard the phrase ‘deaf anxiety’.
Now it makes sense to me.
And if Artie’s and my experiences are very similar, I’m willing to bet that there are hundreds of thousands of people who feel the same.
Artie has his own challenges that he deals with and some of you might be able to relate.
Like having to be on high alert all the time so that he’s aware of his surroundings. Or the feeling of constant uncertainty. Or wanting to be heard but is ignored.
Day after day after day.
When visiting audiologists and looking at all the pamphlets that are available to read, I’ve never seen anything that talks about mental health for D/HH and the topic of deaf anxiety.
It’s no secret that more than 11% of those who are D/HoH had depression, opposed to 5% of the general population.
And we are also twice as likely to experience mental health issues such as depression and anxiety compared to hearing people.
I’ve even come across a number of medical journals that touches upon similar subject. One research in The Journal of Deaf Studies and Deaf Education has found that:
“The overall comparison shows significantly more symptoms of anxiety and depression in the deaf group than in the hearing sample of respondents.“
Mental Health in Deaf Adults: Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression Among Hearing and Deaf Individuals – Marit H. Kvam, et. al
And I even spoke about the very close connection between mental health and deaf in a podcast (transcripts included).
Despite what some people might say, I’m not making it up.
It’s tricky when the Deaf community talks about ‘deaf gain’ as they look at it as a positive thing, hence why they don’t like to use the term ‘hearing loss’, as they haven’t lost anything. They’ve gained more than lost.
But when you are in the middle, between the hearing and deaf world, it’s a confusing place to be.
What can trigger Deaf Anxiety?
It’s worth noting that everyone has a unique relationship with anxiety, regardless of whether you are deaf or not. But like how Artie has mentioned in his own video above, mine is pretty much linked to my hearing/deafness.
If you have watched the video above, you know what triggers it for Artie. But not all D/HoH people goes through the exact same thing.
So rather than make assumptions on what triggers it for everyone, I’ll give you some of my own personal examples of when it does trigger:
- when the phone rings
- when I’m going or attending social events
- if I’m wondering whether that person will/can understand me
- when wanting to talk to someone in a noisy environment
- when someone is talking to me in a noisy environment
- when surrounded by people in noisy environments
- the anticipation of expecting someone to talk to you
Unless I cut myself off from the world, they’re not exactly avoidable. So I have to learn how to deal with it.
How I deal With Deaf Anxiety?
Again, everyone has their own ways of dealing with anxiety. But here are my ways:
1. Put my headphones on
With headphones on, I don’t have to worry about communicating with anyone, there isn’t a need to be fully alert by listening hard all the time, and hearing people can’t get frustrated with me if I don’t hear them.
It’s almost like a safety net for me.
But it also makes me feel as if I’m being unsociable, and that’s not like me. So I don’t wear it all the time unless I need to.
2. Breathe
It’s not a quick fix but this is what I do before answering phone calls (depending on who is calling) or when entering a noisy environment.
If someone close to me calls me, I rarely hesitate to answer or to go to them (‘rarely’ being the keyword).
But if it’s someone I barely know or don’t know at all, I sometimes need a moment to get ready mentally before interacting with that person.
3. Create a suitable working environment
The huge benefit for running my own business is that I get choose my working environment (which is my home office) to how I like it and to allow me to the job efficiently. It is set-up in a way that makes it easier for me to deal with those challenges.
If I was in an employed job, I would attempt to do the same and if the employer can’t accommodate, then I will have to seek employment elsewhere.
I know that’s not option for everyone and can relate when your employers are not very accommodating.
It sucks!
I know I’m very lucky that I have the option to fully customise my working environment to suits my need.
4. Create a suitable home environment
At the same time, home comfort is important to me and I get to control that too.
I’m not talking about having fancy electronic gadgets and beautiful interior design. It’s about the simple things like having good food, comfortable furnitures, clutter-free environment, warm house, hot water and feeling safe.
Whatever you need to make it a safe haven.
It took a while for me but I am incredibly lucky that I get to have that and share that with my wife, Claire.
5. Reading
I’m a big book nerd and I’m proud of it. But there is no doubt in my mind that books have helped to shape me for who I am, gain new skills, to be a better person and to handle life’s difficulties.
Sometimes, I want to get lost in another world and read a fiction book. Other times, I get curious about a subject (I love to read about the food industry).
But most of the time, I enjoy the learning aspects of it and especially enjoy reading books that opens my mind and to learn something that I can apply in life.
For example, it could be to learn about how to manage stress, communicate better, connect with people, build the life I want, growing my business, let go of a particular fear…anything that can help me in some way.
With a really good book, I’m always at peace. But equally important, books are one of the best investments for my mind and lifestyle.
6. Being self-aware and mindful
During the process of reading, I got really interested in the topic of self-awareness and mindfulness.
You know the feeling of going through the motion, not realising what you are doing at that moment, where you are, how you are feeling, not aware of your own abilities.
Being present is something that I’m learning to do. It’s about focusing on the what you are doing right now instead of constantly thinking about the past or the future.
7. Exercise
It’s a no-brainer that exercise really does help, and for me, that includes football, golf and yoga.
So when I’m injured, I get frustrated.
But even going for a walk and taking in fresh air can also help.
8. Avoid attending or leaving early from social events
This is not an ideal but it’s there as an option for me.
There are times where I have no option but to avoid certain events, like a conference after-party, work events or a social gathering at a bar.
Sometimes, I muster up enough energy to attend and put up with it as mucha s I can but more often than not, I leave early.
It could be for various reasons and concentration fatigue is a big one.
Concentration Fatigue
What is it & How Does it Affect Deaf and Hard of Hearing People?
But there are other ways to enjoy an event, and it doesn’t have to be at a noisy bar where you have to shout to the point where you will lose your voice.
It may sound like I’m being unsociable but there’s nothing sociable about not being able to communicate with other people.
I realised I’d rather focus on myself more if I want to be able to handle what life throws at you.
Hence why it’s important to put on the oxygen mask first.
9. Be selfish
If you don’t look after yourself, you’re not helping yourself and anyone else around you.
As much as I’d love to be able to do everything that a hearing person can do, I know that I can’t and I have to accept that.
Knowing your limit, as difficult as that may be to accept (and believe me, I totally understand how difficult that may be) is an important first step to acceptance.
Then after that, it’s about being selfish and making things work for you.
I can’t control what’s out of my control, but I can control what’s in my control. And that’s where I prefer to focus my energy on.
And with the right support around you, you are better able to handle anxiety attacks.
If you don’t feel like you have that, get in touch with me.
This post wasn’t the easiest for me to write about. But I know from previous experience that writing about tough topics like this allows other people to feel less alone and to make them aware that you’re not the only one going throughthis.
And I really hope that it has helped you in some way.
Because having to take exams every day is hard work, especially if you are at a disadvantage of going through something mentally.
But there are ways of dealing with it and I urge you to find a way to help you. It can change your life.
Two questions I want to ask you:
- Can you relate to the experience of having deaf anxiety?
- Even if you are not deaf and you go through anxiety, do you relate to this post? And in what way?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below (and there are so many amazing comments if you scroll down).
And one final thing, if you do feel overwhelmed, don’t suffer in silence. Reach out to those close to you.
There’s no shame in doing that.
- What is ‘audism’? Plus my personal experiences of facing audism - October 27, 2021
- ‘CODA’ movie review: my thoughts on the latest deaf movie to be released - October 13, 2021
- Deafness as a ‘hidden/invisible disability’ - October 6, 2021
A great article; thanks. I am a hearing person but my bff has cochlear imp with complications. She is amazing though; multilingual, has several jobs and has been about 80+% deaf since about age 30. Your info is a Very good way to bridge the gap between hearing ppl and hoh or deaf. Thanks.
Hey Cindy. Thanks very much for your kind words. It’s great to hear (although not surprising) that your friend is doing amazing stuff. And I’m chuffed to hear that you found this post very useful. 😊
What is “I’m chuffed?” New to me🧐
Haha, it means ‘pleased’, ‘proud’, ‘satisfied’ 😁
I thought it was just who would put in earphones, despite being deaf, to avoid trying to communicate. Was shocked to read in this piece that others do it too. This article really resonated with me.
I’m sure a lot of us do that. It’s an easy way to be in your own world .
Brilliant post. I definitely relate to deaf anxiety! Already stopped socialising in crowds. Some family members are the worse, especially because they are my family, I expect them to want to make my life a bit easier, not mock me. I have hearing loss in both ears, so wear 2 aids. Thank you for the article
And thank you for taking the time to read the article, Dorothy. Whether it’s family or friends, like you, I also face different challenges depending on who I am with. The hard part is finding the right people to surround yourself with, but once you do that, hopefully things are a little easier.
Thanks for the article. As a profoundly deaf lip reader I have been aware of deaf anxiety, Drs appointments, meeting new people, work. It’s like I am on high alert all the time . It’s tiring so I opt out of meeting new people when I can. I have sat in a group of friends or colleagues missing all the conversation and wondering why the hell am I here and felt so defeated because I failed.
Being on high alert is so exhausting, and I can appreciate that it’s tiring for you most of the time. Missing conversation seems to be the norm for many of us and it’s really hard to 1) accept that, and 2) to not get concentration fatigue from it.
Hopefully, more and more people will be aware of this as we spread that awareness.
Thank you for this post. I have noticed that my anxiety is hearing induced. I consider myself deaf. I have single sided deafness with loss in my hearing ear. Even with hearing aids, I am on high alert all the time. It’s exhausting. When you are deaf in one ear, you have no sense of directional sound. It is loud or soft and you have no idea where it’s coming from. Not enough awareness is out there for those who are stuck living between the Deaf world and hearing world.
Thank you for reading and sharing your story Sarah 😊 Even though one ear is worse than the other for me, I have no idea what is it like to have no directional sound. But I’m the same as you, in that wearing hearing aids does not necessarily make things easier and more people need to be aware of that.
Iam not deaf at all i just have a blocked ear for a day now and iam starting to feel like iam having a panic attack because my hearing is out of place. Iam going tommorrow to get it drained this is first time my ear has been blocked and iam only 18 and generally my hearing is suberb so this is realling freaking me out iam trying to sleep but cant and i have to wake up early for school and have a basketball game tommorrow
Take it day-by-day, step-by-step. Then, once you know what’s happening, then you can think about the next step.
Question for you ahmed are your other senses enhanced because your missing one. I have always wondered i researched it and it says depending on how bad the condition is so do you have enhanced eye sight or smell?
Nope, nothing is enhanced. But we tend to have better awareness of our surroundings and observes more.
Hi, I have severe loss of hearing, diagnosed 5 years ago. For me, definitely my sense of smell is enhanced. Not very proud of it but I can smell someone’s presence before I see them! Weird. Sometimes the smell triggers my asthma. Now I have to take anti allergy tablets everyday:(
Interesting. I’ve never heard these kind of traits and triggers. It just shows that everyone is different.
I was born with bi-lateral moderate to severe hearing loss and really relate to your post. Thank you so much for writing about your experiences and strategies. It is really thought provoking and made me realise that I have lived with deaf anxiety most of my life but not recognised it. Now in my seventies, anxiety has turned to stress which affects me physically and it is helpful to understand that I have deaf anxiety and concentration fatigue and it is very helpful to me to know that these are conditions shared by our community and that I am not alone. Thank you.
Hi Linda. Thanks very much for sharing your thoughts and I’m so happy that you found this post useful. You are definitely not alone in what you are experiencing (even though it can be unique to each of us too) but the first step is recognising our individual experiences and feelings. After that, I hope you are able to deal with it better because you are more aware of it.
Hi I left a comment on Twitter. Just to say I think all D/HOH people relate to this daily. Especially when it’s important you need to understand what is being said. My worst anxiety was due to unprepared training instructors in new job. I also don’t attend certain social events and family get togethers. I do deaf awareness training now and always try to highlight this. Another big trigger for me is talking to another D/HOH person in public when you’re both having difficulty understanding and aware of others around you. It makes me feel very self conscious and foolish though I know it’s not our fault.
Thanks for posting
Hi Jill. Thanks for leaving a tweet and sharing your story here too. It’s always interesting to hear other people’s experiences, especially those that I’m not familiar with. But I think it’s safe to say that most of us have a lot of shared experiences and spreading deaf awareness will help, even if it’s as simple as sharing on social media and commenting on blog posts. So it’s great to hear that you are doing your best to do that too. Keep sharing your story and spread that awareness.
I can totally relate to this, lost my hearing at 18months old due to vestibular disorder which also effect balance etc my work place has just upgrade for smart ways of working, more desk and more open plan. It’s so noisy, hearing people don’t understand that we can’t tune it out. It either put up with or switch off!
Thanks for sharing your experience Kay. I think a lot of people can resonate with being in an open plan office and you have just have to put up with it. It’s so counterintuitive.
Great article. I am hard of hearing and growing up (still Living and Working) in a hearing society i have had lots of bumps on the Road. I Can relate to all that you have written and still as adult i have to force myself to that phone Call or the event at work. I Can do it, but it is surely hard work. I feel much more relaxed when with My deaf friends as We use signs when We talk.
Thanks Rikke. I am looking forward to being at that stage where I can have a deep conversation in sign language. Still got some learning to do.
I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have to silently psyche myself up and going through those moments, like talking on the phone or attending events.
I relate. I never had anxiety before I became deaf. It all started one day in the city (Melbourne, Australia). I got off the tram and was moving in a packed crowd. Somebody deliberately pushed me out of the way and ran past. I fell to the ground. At the time I just considered myself lucky that nobody stood on me. I assume that the idiot had called out for me to move from behind and I didn’t hear. Now when I am on the train into the city I have an anxiety attack more often than not.
Wow, that’s terrible. It’s bad enough if it happened to anyone, but I can appreciate that experience has heightened your awarenss and anxiety when you are on the train.
I’m really sorry that you had to go through that. And I hope you will find a way to cope with it and somehow find a solution for your commute to the city.
Thank you very much for your insightful article, Ahmed. It resonates with me 100%. I’ve been profoundly deaf since birth and I struggle with this kind of feeling nearly every day.
Most likely, “Deaf Anxiety” will not go away regardless. I truly dread of going to large meetings ( a company meeting, for example) out of fear of being called to the stage and ended up looking like an idiot. Not too long ago at a religious ceremony, a priest summoned me come to the alter to light a candle. I panicked. I got up, not exactly knowing I’ll be doing. To my relief, I lit the candle and simply went back to my seat. Funny thing is that my shirt got all drenched from sweat.
Keep up writing great articles. Seems you’re taking words out of my mouth but you articulate it very well. Perhaps you will come to USA to give a talk.
best regards,
Kevin
Wow, thank you Kevin. I’m so happy that you found the post useful and you resonated with it. I’m sure we all experience the same thing, but in different ways (if that makes sense) so I massively appreciate you sharing your own experiences too, just so that other people can appreciate that ‘deaf anxiety’ is not a nice thing to experience.
Like you, I also agree that it will never go away. But it’s more about getting the conversation going amongst us, whilst also making hearing people aware of certain challenges that can seem to be “normal” for them, but it’s challenging for us. That’s what deaf awareness is all about.
I would love to speak in the US one day so if there is anyone who wants to bring me over, I’d be honoured 😁
I can relate as profoundly deaf person. I’ve come to have attitude that I’m deaf and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I ignore people whenever out in public but even so still kept eye out about me in case someone was trying to talk to me so that I can let them that I’m deaf. That can get tiresome keeping an eye out for that. Also I do get anxiety whenever someone insist on trying to say something to me despite being told that I couldn’t lip read to save my life. Then I had to either struggle to inadequately lipread or just skim through it, nodding. Those are just two of several examples I have.
I appreciate you sharing your insights Kimberly. I’m sure a lot of people can resonate with your experiences.
There is absolutely no shame about being deaf, though it definitely doesn’t make it any easier, especially when you are out and about in the public. I hope you have or will find a way to cope with those moments where you feel anxious.
I have ways to cope. For instance if I eat out alone I sit with my back to wall so that I don’t have to worry about anyone trying to speak to me from behind. That sort of thing.
It sounds so simple, but so effective. Good idea!
That’s me also
Yes! Yes! Yes! Excellent article that I wish was required reading for everyone, both hearing and not! You so perfectly described how I function!
That made me smile. Thank you Angie! 😇
I’m really happy to hear that and hearing everyone’s opinions really made it worthwhile to put together. I appreciate it.
I enjoyed reading your helpful article. I lost my hearing as a baby from Whopping Cough, got nerve Deafness, wore hearing aid, all my life, then one day I loss my hearing in my left ear. The only help I could get was I got a Cochlear Implant, at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Mn. It has been the Best for my life to be able to hear, I don’t like to be in noisy crowds, when I feel left out, but am a good lip reader. when I get stressed out, Walking & excercise has been best for me, Thank you for all your helpful Information.
Thanks Marjorie. Being in a noisy environment is rarely a fun experience but you’re doing the right thing by trying to find the best way you can cope with it. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I appreciate it.
Great article! I was born with sensoneural hearing loss. My parents just thought I wasn’t paying attention & ignoring them on purpose. Once my children told me that people at church thought I was snotty & stuck up. I realized that while walking through hallways, during class times, & after church as people gathered to chat I would walk with my head down. This would prevent me from having to interact with people.
I got my first aids when I was 52 & I was in law school. The greatest cause of anxiety was having to make court appearances especially when I did not have a CART provider.
My audiologist told me that my hearing loss was severe to profound. She also told me to explain to people that it was like playing “Wheel of Fortune” all day long and it is exhausting.
I enjoyed your article. It helped to put a name to the feelings.
Thank you
Robyn Coyle
Hey Robyn. Thanks for sharing your stories with me and everyone who is reading it. I’m sure I’ve had similar experiences in that people that I was being rude when I “zoned out” whilst everyone was talking, but it was difficult to explain the reasons behind that.
I’ve never heard of the ‘Wheel of Fortune’ analogy so that’s a great one 😅 But it does sound like you go through concentration fatigue quite often, so I hope you will find ways to cope with that in your own way.
Thank you for this article. I came about it as my daughter who has profound hearing loss in one ear is at the age now where she is beginning to realise she is different from the other kids in her class. She was born with SSD bit recently, her anxiety has caused her to have sleep issues, hence searching for solutions at this time of night! Any tips or advice would be appreciated. There hasn’t been a great deal of support so far for either her or me (in order for me to help her better).
I’m sorry to hear that Rebecca. You’re doing the right by supporting her, but I suggest to follow the above tips and experiment with various activities and hobbies that will give her confidence and feel like she is in the right place. It won’t be perfect. I still get anxiety even after all these years. But it’s about learning to handle it the best way possible.
Thank you Ahmed for sharing and also for sharing Artie’s post. Both are so on point! I shared on LinkedIn as well.
Great work!
That’s amazing, thanks Marshall! I appreciate your sentiments, and of course, I appreciate Artie for sharing the story too.
It’s so sad that you all resort to “hearing” sense as the primary of your communication. Why don’t you resort to your “seeing” sense to learn a sign language, American Sign Language? Learning this language will bring you happiness in the vibrant Deaf community. We have wonderful gatherings of all sorts: sports olympics/games, Deaf Bingo “Dingo”, poker games, hiking, traveling, sewing/knitting, smoking cigar clubs, church/temple gatherings, etc. I recommend you to this healthy track — instead of worrying about your ears — start using your eyes and open your hearts to this language, culture, and community: ASL-Deaf. No medicine or machines needed. Just take ASL classes with live ASL-Deaf teachers and socialize with us. You’d forget your hearing in no time. Remember you have 4 other senses to compensate. Again it doesn’t cost you that much. Cochlear implants & fancy hearing aids do not make you hearing…don’t fall into their trap. Medical industries want you to take anxiety painkillers, cutting your brains to put implants, coming to psychiatrists/psychologists, or even suicide rescue centers. Learning ASL will help you divert your anxiety to aesthetic livelihood.
Hey Dr. Jacobwitz, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I don’t feel that it’s about obsessing over the hearing senses. Everyone has their own life experiences and everyone has their own way of choosing how they live. It’s not about rejecting the Deaf community, but doing what’s right for you and learning over time. The comments I have been receiving has been overwhelming and it’s clear that deaf anxiety is a common experience for everyone, regardless of who you are. I suspect that even if you are Deaf, you still have to go through challenges that could cause anxieties. After all, we live in a hearing world and we just want to find out what’s the best way to adapt to that (because for now, the world is not going to adapt to us). Sharing our stories and experiences is one way of doing that.
Also, I am learning British Sign Language so I am definitely open-minded about being within the Deaf community. From what I’ve experienced so far, it’s a beautiful experience and I hope to contribute more over time by interacting with more people.
I appreciate your thoughts and feel free to comment if you have any more thoughts you’d like to share.
I’m late-deaf, and speak ‘normally, so I get a lot of pushback when I tell people I’m deaf, or use a terp. It’s very frustrating. I hate shopping or being in public because people will run into my back or shove me, or even friends expect me to follow multiple lines of conversation, and then get angry or frustrated when I just can’t.
How difficult is it to grok that if I’m not seeing you that I have no idea what you said? And even if I am, I’m only getting a few words, and guessing the rest? I remind people at every gathering, what lip reading is, what having a terp is. But I even had a doctor say he thought I was faking when i had a terp right there last week before surgery, because ‘I spoke good!’ Anxiety through the ceiling!
Hey Lorelei, thanks for commenting and sharing your own experiences. I can appreciate that you are frustrated, and I’m sure a lot of us can resonate with that. Unfortunately, we will all have experiences with people who are ignorant to our needs, but not everyone is like that. Where possible, I’d try to focus your energy on those who care.
I do hope that you are able to find a way to cope with your anxiety. It’s normal to feel like that, but you don’t want it to take over your life.
This article couldve been written about me. Thank you for writing this! Its validating to know other people feel like this too. Thank you!
You’re not alone Christy. We’re all in this together and it’s great to see everyone sharing their experiences.
Thank you for reading this article 😊
Thank you so much for this insightful and informative post. I think it will help me tremendously to navigate my life, to have a label to put on “deaf anxiety” – as opposed to getting those heart pounding flustered feelings and taking it as just another way that I am defective…
Wishing you peace and joy.
My pleasure, Catherine. 😇
It definitely helps having a real “thing” that we can label and to account for all those feelings that we get inside of us because of our unique situations. I hope it gives you comfort knowing that you’re not alone in feeling like that.
Thank you for this article. Everything you said sounded so familiar. I have been deaf since birth. However, I do benefit greatly from hearing aids. Without, I hear nothing except loud indistinguishable sounds. Another source of anxiety I experience is due to the fact that I can hear speech (for the most part) with hearing aids and speak with modest clarity. Reason for anxiety, is that often I am expected to hear and participate like a hearing person. I am very limited though, especially when there are 3 or more people involved in a conversation. If I am with a deaf person, I’m often expected to understand and regurgitate everything that was spoken in a particular setting.
Thanks for checking out the post Mitch. I can totally understand what you’re saying about the expectancy to hear and sound like a “normal” hearing person. Even when wearing hearing aids, it doesn’t seem to be clear enough signals to them to realise that we can’t hear. Maybe it’s because they expect it to help you to hear perfectly well? We all know hearing aids don’t work like that.
I hope you manage to find a way to manage your anxiety and to look after yourself.
I believe it is a terrible mistake to accept deaf anxiety. It doesn’t have to happen and shouldn’t. I have had terrible hearing all my adult life and admit some concern about mispronouncing words. But the anxiety I experience is not the result of not getting along in social situations because I miss conversation. I actually have more anxiety about food that could get contaminated because a dish or utensil wasn’t sterilized, which I understand sounds odd. I just don’t let my poor hearing worry me. I practice assertive listening. I do not try to hide my hearing loss like the hearing aid industry would like us to believe we should, so that they can sell us tiny “invisible” hearing aids. I tell people immediately upon meeting them that I have the hearing problem, ask them to slow down when speaking fast, to repeat what they said if I missed it, and maybe even suggest that they say it in a slightly different way the second time. I’m convinced people we associate with want to help out. If they don’t we need to find new friends. Family and coworkers, I understand, can’t be replaced, but I’m convinced they too want to help out. But they need to know how to do it. And we need to tell them. It’s that simple, take control of listening situations and the anxiety should go away. The truth is, if people do not understand that you have the hearing loss, they are likely to believe that you are rude, are not intelligent, or not sociable, and that is something to worry about.
Thanks for sharing your own input John. I welcome anyone who disagrees with my article as it allows me to learn from other people’s experiences and reasonings.
I’m sure nobody wants to experience any forms of anxiety. But for whatever reason, it happens for different people. I agree about taking control of the listening situations, which is why sometimes you have to accept not to attend certain social events and being around the right people where possible.
But I’m sure you can appreciate that anxiety, depression, fear, etc. is not something that you can switch off. like how it’s not possible for everyone practice assertive listening, even though I’m sure a lot of people would like to feel confident enough to do that. It does happen, as you can see in the comments in this post, so it’s about how to deal with that and not let it affect you.
Some people may find your own triggers which causes anxiety as “unnecessary” and avoidable. But it’s relevant to you and it’s something that bothers you, which is fine. It’s the same with deaf anxiety, as it’s a personal experience for different individuals, but it does happen. It could be because of their upbringings and certain experiences which made it difficult for them to not experience anxiety. But I’m not one to judge anyone’s reasonings for having anxiety. We just need to learn to cope with it and then hopefully eliminate it.
One thing I’ve learnt from your comment is about being upfront immediately. It’s something that I’m guilty of in the past and hoping to do better in the future. That, and taking control of your environments too.
But I appreciate your comment John. Thanks for sharing it.
I do not disagree with your article, Ahmed, nor your response. I understand that anxiety is real, that it cannot be turned off like a light switch, that humans cannot simply rationalize their fears and, in fact, people will experience differently the anxiety that results from the challenges that having a hearing loss presents. It’s just that my experience has been that announcing that one has a hearing problem can prevent a lot of negative misunderstanding and turn the situation into a positive one. Just one of many situations occurred for me upon entering a college class the first day and going up the instructor to give him my paperwork at which point the instructor began to question whether I was enrolled in his class and I was not getting a lot of what he was saying. I simply told him that and that I have terrible hearing and his attitude took a remarkable 180-degree turn. He is a good guy. I believe most people are good people and want to help.
Understood John. Perhaps acknowledging how we are feeling will be the first step to overcoming the anxiety that crops up when challenged by the hearing environment. I truly believe in the power of making a negative situation into a positive one so it would be great if everyone who has read this will then manage to overcome the anxiety feeling and look at the positive of it. Constantly thinking “I wish this and that” is not going to help.
I like your story about your instructor. We will always encounter people who just don’t care about our situation, but I do believe that most people want to help. Being open about it helps and it’s the first step.
Thank you John. It’s great to learn from your experience.
Morning Ahmed, it’s a quiet sunny Sunday morning. The tv is on mute with subtitles. Our home is bright and lighting just right for lip reading. We live in a small terraced house. 2 up 2 down. Small rooms with soft furnishing and definitely no wooden floors (you know what I mean). Communication with my partner is (most of the time) easy and relaxed because the environment is right. We can talk And on bad days we sign. Family functions are a disaster and very stressful. We have our plan. When the evening starts to become stressful we make sure there is an exit plan in place. Family know about the exit plan so no one asks questions anymore. Your pod cast describes perfectly the every day stresses and how being on high alert takes its toll on your mental and physical well being. It is stressful to see and in the main especially working full time. YOU HAVE VERY LITTLE CONTROL. teaching deaf awareness at work goes a little was to those who genuinely want to make a difference. In the main we live in a hearing world which deaf and hoh adapt to the best way possible. NOT ALWAYS AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS. Anxiety and panic attacts are becoming more and more a regular feature. Being selfish I agree (in part) is a coping mechanism. It is also really important to share and communicate this with your partner,wife,husband and family. For a hearing partner life is difficult too. I’m soooo happy I found your podcast
And I’m so glad that you found the podcast too, Angie 😊 Some aspects of the lovely story that you shared sounds so familiar to me, and I’m sure to others. I also have a hearing partner (wife) and we work together to make things work for the two of us and I’m lucky that she’s accommodating. For example, we do work out a plan when we go out together and if we need to, plan our exit route.
It works for us, and clearl it works for you too.
I am 56 and had sudden hearing loss at age 43, overnight I lost a perfect ear. I hear a little with an aid in the other. I used to be a social worker and, a very social person, before this happened. My life has changed dramatically. I never used to be an anxious person and now consider myself to be, particularly in most social situations. IT’s exhausting, often disappointing, and not very fulfilling, which is really sad for me. I have never read about Deaf anxiety though, but it is so real and prevalent. And for people like me who live in the middle– I’m not totally deaf, nor do I understand much speech– it is a bizarre place to be. I often don’t feel as though I really fit in anywhere. Thanks for all of you sharing your thoughts.
I’m sorry to hear that you have been struggling of late Elisa. There are a mix of emotions when experiencing anxiety of any kinds. I’m sure your story will resonate with many people but I hope you will be able to find a way to cope with it and also realise that many people goes through similar or the same as you do. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
This is awesome! Do you mind if I share a clip of this for my podcast?
Thanks!
Of course you can Brandon. If you can credit it by linking to the site, that would be great.
And I’m glad you liked it 😊
I can very much relate to this. My hearing loss came at 45yo as a result of meningitis so I speak normally and people expect me to hear normally now that I have HA’s. The aids are awesome, except when they’re not. In loud environments I often turn them off and use them as ear plugs.
My anxiety started when I realized I could no longer hear the smoke detector and fire alarms. My husband works 24-48 hours at a time and we still have small kids at home. The idea of not being able to hear the smoke detector while we were sleeping caused me to not sleep on his shift days. It was almost debilitating for about a year. Someone asked me why it bothered me so much since a fire had never occurred in our home and likely would not. They didn’t understand.
I also find that starting a conversation in a group of people by saying “I’m profoundly hearing impaired and need you to look at me so I can read your lips” works for about 30 seconds before they forget. It’s not because they don’t want to be helpful; it’s just not something they can relate to. I know I couldn’t before my own loss. They’re not really trying to be difficult.
Thank you for the article.
That sounds really tough Tami. I can relate to being around people who instantly forgets after you tell them. I find that reminding them again on a separate occasion helps a little bit (though it doesn’t mean that they instantly remember. I just get persistant).
With regards to your fire and smoke alarm, you should be able to get those vibrating alarms so that you can feel it while you are sleeping. Hopefully that can help you to sleep at ease. It’s completely irrelevant (and dangerous) for that person to say you’ve never had a fire at home.
This resonates with me so much. I was likely born with hearing loss but back in the day (last years of the ‘80s) newborn hearing screen wasn’t around.
I’ve had anxiety my whole life even before anyone realized I had hearing loss. Eventually I was diagnosed with progressive SNHL (sensorineural hearing loss) and was profoundly deaf by age 21. I now have a cochlear implant but I’m glad I know sign language because though the CI is awesome and a million times better than hearing aids, I’m still Deaf.
The first time I had a relaxed conversation in a noisy place was last year during my 10 year college reunion. I had requested an interpreter and as I’m the only one in my class who is Deaf, the interpreter just sat at the table with my friends. That was the first time in my life that I understood conversations and laughed with everybody else instead of waiting for a friend to explain what just happened. I felt so light without the constant anxiety.
Thanks for sharing your story Clare. 🙏🏾
Your story is important as people need to know that wearing hearing aids or having CI is not a cure nor does it make you feel “normal” and happy. You still have to deal with challenges that a lot of us can relate to.
But equally important, you manaed to find a way to make it for you during social occasions, which is so great to hear (no pun intended).
Hi! Yep this anxiety is real. I experience this as a Deaf person regularly. I want to bring to your attention a blog post I wrote on “accessibility anxiety”. I think you will relate to it as well re: provision of accommodations. http://hexwit.blogspot.com/2016/11/accessibility-anxiety.html
Thank you Heather. It’s great to learn from your experience too.
All I can say is AMEN! I’m going through some serious crap at the moment, work induced..and my team leader is a getting a real education from me…. but I do know I have to forgive the hearing world so I can let go and let it be, and so I am free to make better decisions for me…
I agree Tony. To a certain point, we have to forgive the hearing world as it’s our job to educate and inform (as opposed to using pressure or negative energy). We can’t expect them to know everything – it works in both ways.
I am not deaf or Hard of Hearing, but I have Aspergers, and can identify with a lot of the issues that cause you anxiety: trying to fit in; the exhaustion of being with people; trying to follow multiple conversations; “trying to be normal”. It is exhausting, and I avoid a lot of social situations because of it, or attach myself to one person who “gets” me.
I’m an Aussie, and am working as an Auslan interpreter in a school. Thankyou for your article from that perspective too – it helps me understand the exhaustion my students undergo each day in their mainstream school.
That makes a lot of sense Cathy. Thank you for sharing your own personal experiences as I’m sure a lot of people (myself included) would never assume that those with Aspergers will go through the same thing. I wish you all the best with your quest to be an Auslan interpreter.
Hello Ahmed. I’m new to your posts and enjoying it very much. This is in response to your posts on deaf anxiety and concentration fatigue. I’m bilateral severe SHL. I had both of these at the same time during a group conversation in ONE setting. There was about seven of us and the conversation was lively, and I was having trouble keeping up with the details(Concentration Fatigue). Then at some point, it appears someone was asking me a question because I heard my name and he was staring at me. Maybe he said “I wonder what Johnny thinks about this.” At the time I wasn’t sure exactly what this person said. For a moment, I stared backed. At this time the rest of the group slowly turn their heads toward me and I froze. I begin scratching my arm, face is red, and slight sweatiness of the palms(Deaf Anxiety). I fought through with a response.
Although I agree with both of these assessments, I disagree with the phrase “Deaf Anxiety.” If I were to give it a name and if this was my post (just my opinion), I would be inclined to call it “Concentration Anxiety,” as it very similar to the phrase “Concentration fatigue.” If people want to know what exactly what these two phrases mean, then one can start discussing the world of hearing loss. I would encouraged you to explore these topics further in relation to psychology and general anxiety.
Hey Johnny. Thanks for sharing your story and I can resonate with it as it happens all too frequently for many of us.
Your opinion is valid and I welcome it, so I can appreciate what you’re saying about the term ‘deaf anxiety’ is not suitable for you in this case.
Over time, I hope to get deeper into the topic but I also believe that there are people out there are much more knowledgeable around the topic of psychology and anxiety than I am, so I’m not the best person to get into those topics. If there are researches around it already done, then I would encourage people to share it. Otherwise, it would be good for all us to learn more about each other’s experiences and to learn more about “deaf anxiety” or however you choose to describe it.
My husband and I are both HoH and it is exhausting. I HATE making phone calls, I have panic attacks just thinking about it. Social situations are just hard, trying to focus on a million different situations, getting tired early, struggling to cope with loud background music… Arg. And very few people actually get it, we just look antisocial when we leave early or go sit in a quiet spot. I like the fact that my husband and I both struggle as we both agree when a situation is just too hard to handle. Sharing this with all my family and friends!
It must be so frustrating when nobody gets it, which for me, would be a lot of people. When you want to stay longer but you can’t, it’s not fun at all. But it must be so great to have your husband and to back each other up because the two of you simply get it. It doesn’t make the situation perfect but it’s great that you have each other.
This is the first time I’ve heard or read about “Deaf Anxiety”… I didn’t know that it was even a term that applies to us. I am profoundly deaf with cochlear implant. I often experience anxiety, especially in a school classroom. I’ve always gotten little anxiety here and there going to places like the deli trying to communicate with people over the counters or going to restaurants, where its a noisy environment. I 100% relate to your blog or article. I really enjoyed reading this. thank you!
Thank you Rose. I can relate to what you’re saying about noisy environments. I hope it will also give you some closure in that it’s normal to feel like that and many people go through with it. And I also hope that you will find a way to cope with it throughout the day and that you’re looking after yourself.
I felt as if you were talking about me in the article and can relate to everything you talked about. I had the German measles before the vaccine was invented and it settled in my ears. I have always had a hearing loss but now am functionally deaf and my audiologist suspects that I will eventually lose the rest of my hearing. I am so glad that there is a name to the anxiety I experience when I am trying to function in the hearing world and I don’t feel alone anymore. I also feel a connection to others that experience the same things I do. Thank you so much for being a voice for us.
I am very happy to hear that this article has made you feel less lonely, Debora. It’s always humbling to hear how this article has helped many people feel that connection just by reading the article or reading the comments. I hope you will be able to stay on top of your anxiety and not let it affect your life too much.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
Thanks, the video was great and I watched it deaf without my Cochlear’s as not hearing and just reading the captions is simpler than listening some times, I’m profoundly deaf but lost my hearing over years and as a kid I didn’t know I was deaf but that’s another story.
It would be great to hear you talk about work and how to deal with the ignorance in the work place as I get anxious all the time about my work. Work is a big thing for me as I get a lot of self worth in my job but I’m stuck at a level below where I want to be and I don’t know how to deal with it. I also get anxious that I’ll be made redundant because of my deafness. So I’m anxious about that too lol😂 Amazing just how much anxiety you deal with without realising it ! You talked about ways you deal with with deaf anxiety and Laughing at myself is a way I manage the anxiety, as they say laughter is the best medicine, well I find it helps me at times. So I’ll be exploring some of the things you spoke about to manage the deaf anxiety
Thanks again 👍😊
There are so many occasions for me where reading is easier than listening, so I can understand.
You have definitely made a good point about workplaces, as there are so many areas to cover. I am making a list of things to talk around the topic you are referring to as I know there are many people out there who can resonate with what you are saying.
I’m glad you’ve mentioned ‘laughing at myself’ as a way to manage as I think it’s a great point. I make a joke about it now and then, but not as how you describe it in managing anxiety. It’s a great point Russel, and I do hope the rest of the points will also help you further. 🙂
thank you thank you I so happy to come across this video
It makes perfect sense and now I watched it it what I’m feeling so intensely right now. After wearing 2 hearing aids since I was 2 yrs old I am now down to 1 due to more loss of hearing and was actually more distracting trying to figure out what the noises were with 2 hearings so I decided to stick 1 hearing aid
Relying on lip reading but still like you experiencing anxiety around it like in social gatherings, work environments etc
Now in the mist of this pandemic and being a keyworker in a supermarket in the uk I find myself being confronted time and time again by not understanding people not because they have a accent or speech pattern I struggle to understand, it’s because they are wearing masks which is their personal choice but it made my life so much harder
It’s like someone taken the choice away from me whether I choose to wear my hearing aid that day, the choice is no longer mine now I’m loss in a sea of face masks, I feel like I’m no longer a valid person belonging no where at the moment because in more and more situations I’m isolated
I had a couple of anxiety/panic attacks at work but due to the stress of the new current restrictions at work and social distancing and keeping us all safe we all thou it was to do with that
My last one 2 days ago my branch manager had to talk to me to calm me down and she was the first to listen, to actually listen and not tell me you can do the job you normally do, but started to make me realise that times have changed and the environment has changed so it’s more challenging for me, started me thinking how me being Deaf in this current world crisis is effecting my anxiety
I’m on holiday for this week and looking at options to change my rota to adjust work to suit me better
Thankfully I have a supportive manager
Sorry if it was a bit ramble just needed to get it off my chest
You’re not rambling at all Georgina. It’s absolutely amazing to see that this post has benefited you. At this current time, we are definitely dealing with new challenges such as the face masks situation. I can totally appreciate where you are coming from as it is really hard to deal with that amongst everything else.
I do hope you make the most out of your holiday to wind down but also learn how to deal with the current challenges. I hope this site will help you with that.
Thank you for kind comment Georgina. 😊
I have recently truly discovered the depths of my deaf anxiety. Due to the wearing of face masks because of coronavirus my already limited world has become beyond isolated. The few times I have ventured out to get groceries I have had severe meltdowns of anxiety. 2 out of my 3 outings left me crippled and bed ridden for the rest of the day. Nausea, shaking, sweating, vomiting.. Even my recent doctor appointment where i struggled to understand what was being said to me and where I felt ineffective at communicating my needs. I felt meek and small and completely unable to advocate for myself. I am strong, I am social, I used to be the happiest girl in any room. I don’t think I’ll be that girl for a while. I feel like I am experiencing the death of my personality. The worst part? I try to explain yet even nedical professionals seem to be judging me and finding me weak. I am struggling. I am so alone.
You are not alone in this Michele. You are definitely not alone in this at all. So many people are feeling like you, not just those who have commented on this post but also on social media and private messages as well. If you go through the comments on this post alone, you will find that many people will understand what you are going through and you will resonate with them too. Even during the pandemic we are going through, I am willing to bet that so many people are struggling because of the face masks situation too, and I’m feeling the same strain as everyone else.
I may not be able to give you the perfect solution, but I do hope you work your way through it. Try out various techniques and see what works for you. Go through the other posts and videos on this site and perhaps you will learn some things from my own experiences. Find and integrate with other people in the same situaiton as you via Facebook Groups. Make the time to be selfish by looking after yourself first. Find out how other people manage their own anxieties by reading from their own experiences via books. Find out what works for you.
You are not alone.
Thank you for writing this post Ahmed, it has made me realise that I too am not alone with my issues. I have moderate hearing loss in my right hear and slight loss on the left. This has been progressing since the age of about 30, I’m now 48. I no longer go out to social events if I can help it as it’s just too stressful not being able to hear any of the conversations, and there is only so many times you can ask a person to repeat themselves. The only way I would manage it would be to withdraw totally from the conversation, which then appears like rudeness, or if it was a disco/music event, the only escape was to dance all night to avoid conversation! Makes me feel anxious just remembering the feeling.
I also have no clue which direction sounds come from and if someone is talking to me from behind, forget it. I work in a school office environment which can be very noisy and I struggle to hear conversations in the staffroom, taking minutes in meetings and on the telephone. I requested support for these issues but my employer initially refused to purchase equipment due to the cost implication. I then had a really stressful 6 months of being in contact with my union rep, who basically said they cannot refuse support for a disability, fighting for this when I really shouldn’t have to was a real anxious time and I did not feel at all valued. Finally my employer gave permission and after a workplace assessment my equipment has now been purchased and received (although is now in a cupboard since lockdown started – as I need to have it set up by a trainer).
When in work earlier this week a contractor visited site, wearing a face mask and I had a really difficult time trying to work out what was being said, after a while I think I nod and agree and just hope that was the right response. Your right Ahmed that we just do all of this and struggle without taking a step back and realising that we need to look after ourselves first and not to be embarrassed about being HoH/D, but it’s not always easy. I tend to shy away from friendship and socialising, I have no close friends and believe this is because of HoH anxiety related issues that you have mentioned. I have removed myself from the stressful situations as I had no way of managing them. Following a mental health assessment I am currently waiting for counselling sessions to begin, for anxiety and depression. With lockdown in place this service is busier than ever and I am unsure of the wait time.
After finding this site I’m definitely keen to learn lipreading as I think that will really help me. I know now too that I need to be a bit more assertive in educating people around me (family etc.) to communicate with me in a way that will make it easier for me, and not to feel ashamed/self conscious about it. It will take time but you have put me on the starting block and I really want to try, to improve my quality of life in the long term….. here goes. Thank you !
Thank you Jo, for sharing your story. There are so many things I could relate to but also things that I can’t imagine what it feels like.
I don’t work in school office environment, but even so, I’m thinking back to my school days and the unknown struggles that I went through. I say unknown because it was all happening subconsciously, and at a mainstream school, it’s very difficult to find someone who can relate to you.
The face mask is a new situation that we all have to battle with. It’s hard enough to do deal with it a few times a year at the dentist or doctor. But now, it seems like it’s part of our everyday lives. That’s bound to cause problems for all of us.
The main thing is that you have to be selfish. It may sound…selfish…but if you are feeling anxious with worry and it’s affecting your life, you have to be selfish. On top of that, I hope reading the rest of the posts on this site as well as all the comments on this post will also make you realise that you are not alone. So many people goes through it too and we all want to improve the quality of our lives…but it starts with looking after yourself first.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you so much for sharing this! You have put words together to express thoughts and feelings that I have tried to deal with for essentially my whole life. It is a relief to figure out that I am not some weirdo who just cannot deal with some things that it seems everyone else can, for no reason except perhaps I am not so bright, weak, lacking in social skills, etc. My patterns of behaviors and preferences are actually a coping and survival mechanism.
It is natural to have your survival switched on and heightened when you feel anxious, which is then very exhausting to deal with mentally. Based on that, this post and everyone’s comments…you are NOT a weirdo. You are dealing with a daily challenge but I hope it will give you comfort knowing that you are not alone and it’s perfectly to feel what you feel.
Wow…this article is already 2 years old and still comments…I can relate to this. I am very hard of hearing and have tried to fit in all my life…I worked as a nurse for 30 years…but there wasn’t a day that wasn’t a struggle. Its tiring, and I always describe myself as a recluse, rather than say “hey, Im deaf and I find it too hard to follow what’s going on”. I also have anxiety related to other stuff, so its no wonder it all gets amplified when I am faced with social situations. Thank you for sharing…I feel a little less odd and it’s good to know there are others out there. I think the worst thing we can do is continue top pretend..it only makes it hard for everyone else. We need to learn to speak up and say…sorry, I’m deaf.
A lot of people have gone through that period where you stay quiet instead of speaking up. It’s great you now feel like you can say you’re deaf.
The only thing I would add is that you don’t need to say “sorry” and apologise for being deaf, as I explain here: https://hearmeoutcc.com/stop-apologising-for-being-deaf/
You have nothing to apologise for. You are being you.
(Deaf or deaf) Anxiety?. I’m a OHCODA. BORN 1959.
i can totally relate to this because im HOH too and only whose ppl who are close to me know about my problem but we know i couldn’t just sit at home , i have to go to university (im a psychology student) so that i can get a job but again when i think about these all while being a deaf person ,, it seems impossible to me because of my “deaf anxiety” i try to blend in as others as much as i can but university giving me even more anxiety. to be honest,, i dont know if it’s only me but i feel embarrassed about telling everyone about my hearing loss because at some points of my life,, i have been made fun of or been treated differently from other normal people. this made me even more anxious thus i dont go around telling everyone about my hearing loss. i just try to stay alert all the time but it’s so exhausting i feel like im getting mentally and physically exhausted. it makes want to give up.
Please don’t give up. I can relate to a lot to what you are saying. I too have been keeping it quiet for many years but found some relief to open up a little bit by bit. You might also want to join groups, online and offline, that resonates with you. Being part of people like yourself will make you realise that you are perfectly normal. You don’t have to go through it alone, because there are people who feel the same as you. I promise you.
Mmmmyyyyy goodness! Who’d have ever thought!? I sure didn’t! I’m so glad that there’s a term for this! And that’s a blessed relief!
I, myself, am a betweener as well. As you mentioned, we’re not all for one or the other. We’re just us. It’s really a challenge with the hearing people indeed! I do have the tendency to avoid crowds and meetings with more than 2-3 people and yet again, we need to be comfortable with whom we’re associating. Oh, there’s so much going on around me alright. I go to church and have asked my pastors if they could send me their sermons by email so I can translate them to better understand what is being said as they’re French. It was a bit challenging to ask when they forgot to do so. I told them that and that I’m sorry for being complicated with the request. They’re nice enough to accommodate me. Praise the Lord!
And the mask, oh boy! I did purchase a box of 50 of them (disposables) with windows in front of the mouth and sell them at a dollar apiece. (For the cost and the shipping, it’s actually a bit more but I rounded it off to sell better.) There are some interested people who have been encouraging enough to buy them. 🙂 A little goes a long way. I’m just amazed that they’re not sold in pharmacies with the same trademark! Weird! Anyway.. what to do huh?
Thank you for making the video and for the transcript so I can copy, paste and reread it when I need to. I’m living in a French community and it’s a huge challenge though I did choose to live here. I have been doing my best and I leave myself open to learn all the time. But then there’s the anxiety, wow! I get it for other reasons as well but your words resonated with me deeply. And yes, knowledge does help to ease some anxiety alright. I found myself nodding to what you were saying.. Yup, yup! that’s me! Wow! Keep up the good work! Breathe in, breeeeaaaathe out! hehehe..
Haha, I feel like I needed to breathe with you after reading your exciting comment 😄 I am very grateful and thankful that the post and video has had such as impact on you. I have never interacted or known anyone within the French deaf community, but I can imagine that many people have similar struggles as you. And thank you for keeping your mind open to learn…that’s a fantastic attitude to have.
OMG thank you so much for this article. It truly helps put things into perspective for me. I too don’t fit into the hearing world or the Deaf world, and it’s been such a battle for 35+years, I say this because it was around that age when I truly realized I was not like other Deaf or hearing. As I’ve gotten older I find myself withdrawing from society due to the anxiety and trying to fit in. But knowing that thers is an actual term as Deaf Anxiety and others struggle makes me feel not so along. Thank you!
So glad to hear that it’s making you feel seen and heard (no pun intended). Thank you!
Very interesting article. I got activated 1/18/2024. Its been an amazing experience so far. It gets better every day. The anxiety you speak of hits home in many, many ways; i.e.- socially, emotionally, especially intimately. Being hearing impaired is more of an interference than acceptable deficiency. It interferes with my entire life, 24/7, 365. Re-learning to communicate is not easy, but doable.